I Wanna Be Your Doll
By K. Wilkinson

Somewhere, at this very moment, a man is gently caressing his lover. She lies ever so quietly next to him in bed. Her skin is smooth and flawless, her glassy green eyes stare fixedly at the ceiling. Her body is perfectly proportioned. Like the maiden on the Grecian urn, her breasts will never sag and she'll never grow wrinkled and stooped. But not because she's dead. She was never alive. She's a doll.

Real Doll, a startlingly real sex-toy, is just one form of the fake-girl fetish frenzy that's popping up on the Internet. ALT.SEX.FETISH.ROBOTS (aka ASFR) is an on-line newsgroup dedicated to female robot worship. Over time, it has broadened to include mannequins, hypnotism, statuephillia and dolls.

While Real Doll is an actual doll (at the cost of a mere $5,000), robots and androids (half-human, half-machine) are more nebulous concepts. Robot/Android Fetish involves a lot of fantasy, since sexual robots and androids currently live only in the imagination. However, the concept of a robotic female has been around for a long time. The 1927 German epic, Metropolis, features a very mechanical female robot. More recent film appearances include the Fembots in Austin Powers, who resemble porno stars but move much more like Starwar's droid, C3-PO.

"I'm excited by the stiff, mechanical action of the body, the blank, monotone voice," says Robotdoll, a 30-year-old computer programmer who runs the alt.sex.fetish.robots homepage. "It's not a dominance thing for me, though that's the thing most people think of. I'm just as interested in having a robot mistress as a robot slave." Robot Doll dispels the notion of the lonely weirdo (like Jeffrey Dahmer injecting his special zombie juice into the temples of his beloved corpses) since he's happily married, though he and his wife often role-play sexual robot scenarios together.


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When he was 10 or 12 years old, his feelings for robots began to stir, inspired by the mime team Shields and Yarnell and the wedding episode of I Dream of Jeannie, in which Jeannie must replace herself with a robot in order to be photographed at her wedding. Why? Who knows. One's sexual likes and dislikes are not meant to be dissected and sanitized, as it were.

"Why does someone like ice cream?" Robotdoll fires back sassily to my ridiculous query as to his passion for mechanical sex partners. "I've never really had any interest in learning why I am into this. That's the first step toward wanting to be cured." Which he certainly does not.

But his ice cream metaphor brings up an interesting point. Where's the stickiness, the dirtiness of real human sex? A fondness for the cum and juice of human sex is definitely there for these folks. Just take a look at the fiction archive on Robotdoll's Web Site. There, you have it all-the juice, the wild sex and that special herky-jerky robot thang. And, what a "robot" can do is only limited by the imagination. "Why limit yourself," asks Robotdoll. "Robots are sexy, so why shouldn't you be able to do anything you want with them?"

According to Robotdoll, girls and gay men aren't immune to ASFR's peculiar allure. Here's a passage from a quite sexy story by gay male'bot enthusiast:

Q: "Brad! You're a robot? How can you come?"

A: "Your rubbing my penis activates a chip that loads a reservoir of fluid. It passes through ducted stimuli sending a message to my master chip, making my whole body feel its passing sensation."

And RobotDoll's ultimate fantasy reads like the script of your standard porno: "A beautiful robot woman hypnotizes me and makes me a doll,too. We play together, for the pleasure of a third person." Now we're talkin'! People are watching, chips are being activated and cum spurts all over the place.

'Bot also wrote a story about a robot being a closet "humasexual"-he enjoys sex with humans. His encounter with a luscious, juicy human woman proves quite titillating. And speaking of tits, the mini-film on Real Doll's Web site of a guy's hands squeezing Real Doll's totally lifelike tits actually inspired me to dream about a woman, which I usually find sexually abhorrent.

Real Doll's literature kept stressing how you can pull the doll's "skin"-I assume that includes nipples-up to 300% their normal elasticity. That must have touched me at a sadistic, level, 'cause that night, I dreamt of pulling on the nipples of some young, nubile who looked like Brittney Spears. That's rather disturbing. Do people who get real dolls get used to their unusual elasticity and then try to perform the same acts on real girls? I certainly hope not.

Overall, though, the Real Doll is the closest thing to human, and it's expensive: $4,999 for the standard doll with two entries and $5,249 for the deluxe three-entry version. And that doesn't include shipping. It is 5-feet-1 to 5-feet 10-inches tall, weighs 100 to 120 pounds and,naturally, is proportioned like a Penthouse pet. RD actually has a skeleton with steel joints, the rest is high-grade silicone rubber. You can choose your doll's hair color and style (above and below the waist), complexion and makeup.

These dolls look like bitches who want to be abused. I guess that's the idea. But as for true love, I must admit my crush on Handy Man, a tall, bearded somewhat redneck-looking, life-sized doll available at many Wal-Marts around the U.S. Handy Man's official purpose is to sit shotgun with people, presumably women, who are driving alone at night, or if you're home alone, to prop up near a window so peeping passers-by will think you're enjoying the latest John Waters movie with your man.

But I can imagine the real scenario--talking to Handy Man, kissing him, then bringing him to bed with you. Gawd! He's so sexy, introspective and nonconfrontational. Too bad he's hung like a eunuch and can't jack off and cum in your face. Which leads us to the least sexual of the ASFR fetishes, at least to me: Mannequin worship. Somehow, it just seems kinda warm and fuzzy, although James (of The Mannequin Lover's Home Page), a 33-year-old electrician who lives in Toronto with 12 mannequins admits his silent friends sometimes turn him on.

"It's easy when you have something that beautiful looking back at you," says James, who first became attracted to a teenage mannequin he saw in a mall when he was around 12. He may get hard, but he says he doesn't have sex with his mannequins. "As you know, they are not sex dolls and they are 100% rigid so they are very solid in bed," he says. So an orgy with his harem, each one lovingly named, can only be attained via fantasy. He loves to gaze on them as works of art and fantasize what it would be like if they came to life or if he became a mannequin. "I could just stare at them when I finish making them cute," he says. " Plus mannequins are my height and most of them have 34" breast and cute asses."

Cute asses aside, James' mannequins serve mostly to weave beauty through his life and keep him and his cat company. "You can dress them up, do their hair and stand back and admire a real beauty staring back at you. They are like a part of my family," he says. If James won the lottery, he says he'd have a mansion full of mannequins--some in the bathroom just to hold his bath towels. As for now, he's content to snuggle up with Mari or Cindi to watch TV after dinner. "They are perfect movie watchers and they won't talk during a movie or give you shit for going for a piss when you drink to much coffee," he says.

James is currently single, but still looking for that perfect girl. If he could afford it, he says he'd probably buy a Real Doll. Now, the Real Doll "girls" are good, as you can easily see on their site, but what is there for those of us who prefer men?

Well, relax. The Real Doll people say they have a male real doll in development and will even construct a she-male Real Doll if there's enough interest.

Now, if they can just figure out how to activate that chip that loads the reservoir of fluid...